My to-do list is full and I’m behind. Failure.
My days are free of time-consuming activities or a job, and I still haven’t done the homework for my online class. Failure.
Everyone says I have potential, I’m brilliant, but I can’t even manage some of the most simple to-do’s on my list. Failure.
As soon as I manage to get things under control, I take on another project, or say yes to helping someone in a way that adds to my workload. More emails go un-answered and my brain panics with the overload. Failure.
Sometimes I feel like I’m trying to be superman. Trying to get massive amounts done every day. But why doesn’t everyone else have their laptops at the coffee shop? How do they all have time for conversation? For playing around, and smiling and laughing? Didn’t I have time for this once?
How come, with all this extra “work”. With all this time I excuse myself from dinners to go finish a project, or work on something. I come out under-productive. I come out with even the simplest of commitments unfulfilled?
How is it that I feel so overwhelmed, while everyone else saves the world without me?
Should I tone it down? Take things one step at a time? Not make so many commitments? Go to school. Not try to freelance on the side. Not try to help others out. Should this be what I do?
I feel like a failure. Whether its warranted or not. Every day I feel like I’ve failed with the day.
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Hello…. It’s not a failure… It is a challenge but not a failure… Prioritize that is all Christian. Get the small done.. Delegate somethings…Ask for assistance.. even if it is to make phone calls, answer emails, or whatever. Lighten your load and learn to delegate. You are not a failure… you just have a full plate that’s all. Now.. figure out who can help you. I’ll raise my hand if you need help in any of your projects. Whether it is to email, proofread or what have you. You have my email and I think you have my number and I’m on facebook…. Take a chance and delegate the little things.
See: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-deprecation
I avoid this by immersing myself in gratitude and a faithful belief that somehow, perhaps, even in my own mind, that I am doing “higher work” just by trying to understand the world, my life and the way things seem to work around me.
Perfection, success, even self-worth are psychological constructs we adopt and use as existential metrics in the culture we live in. None of them are real. Only the process and evolution of your life is what is real and you cannot see or judge any of that while you are “in it”.
Only when you are in anticipation of what “could be” or in evaluation of “what was” does one enjoy any true clarity of their existential nature and freedom from the ego-spirit.
Your life and the love you make, share and spread with it is your primary craft and a solemn focus on this great endeavor is reward enough over time. Forgiveness, compassion and curiosity are also key contributions you will make over the course of your life that, in summary, mean and define everthing that you are.
So, put the “meters’ away my friend and be alive in who you are now and what you already have achieved and revel in the wonder of what undiscovered and gracious work you will do as life marches on it’s path to the end we all must face in time.
You are simply streching yourself that everyday you’re able to take on more things in 24 hours. Bill Gates doesn’t have more time in a day than anyone else, but he could take on a lot more than a lot of people can.
If you didn’t have anything unfinish in a day that would mean you didn’t have enough to strengthen your muscel. I’m sure successful people and people you admire have a lot of things not get done in a day…
When I’m down it’s usually because I don’t look after myself so get back on the horse and go to the gym, meditate in the mornings for the quality day ahead.
You are far too hard on yourself, it appears you are taking on too much at once. And/or perhaps, like me, you may have — don’t laugh — attention deficit disorder, adult onset or not. If you find it difficult to focus. You’re unusually sensitive, bright, and well-intentioned; you sound like a great person who’s too conscious of (success measurement) when you’re not fully seeing yourself objectively. You are not a failure by any means.
“The road to Hell (may be) paved with good intentions,” but I really don’t think those who have truly good intentions would be placed there at all…
You are right in wondering if you should simplify and “tone it down,” at least for now — I’ve always been told you can’t really help others either unless you help yourself first; so you will be in a position of strength rather than weakness, and therefore be better able to help both yourself and others. If you’re destroying yourself you can’t help anyone, after all.
So I hope that by the time this is posted (I just saw this, a few months later) you’ve taken the great advice listed above, and also your own, simplified your life, and then slowly you can add more challenges once you’ve stabilized yourself. And you’re quite young, the entire world is not on your shoulders, or it shouldn’t be